


13

by WonderfullyWonderingAlone59



Category: Queliot - Fandom, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh - Fandom, The Magicians
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-22 00:44:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderfullyWonderingAlone59/pseuds/WonderfullyWonderingAlone59
Summary: Eliot finds out Quentin has been off his meds





	1. Chapter 1

Margo and Eliot were walking down the hall at Brakebills after a class, laughing at each other. As they passed the medic wing someone called out for Eliot. They stopped and turned. Eliot didn’t know the guy, but he recognized him as one of the nurses. 

“Can I talk to you privately for a minute?”

Eliot turned to face Margo, shrugging. 

“Go on, El. I’ll meet you at home. I’m gonna go bother Kady.”

Eliot entered the medic wing. 

“Hey, I’m Jake. I’m one of the nurses here. You’re Quentin’s boyfriend, right?”

Eliot shook his hand.

“Yeah...”

“I was going to call Dean Fogg but I saw you and figured I’d try you first. Quentin never came by to pick up his medication this month. I automatically refill it for him and he comes to get it but he hasn’t shown up yet. I’ve been calling him everyday to remind him but he sends me straight to voicemail. I’m worried about him being without it.”

Eliot rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. 

“Um, how late is he on picking them up?”

“13 days.”

Eliot’s mouth fell open in disbelief.

“What? 13 days? So...that means he’s been off his meds for 13 days?”

Jake nodded.

“Yes, unfortunately. His psychiatrist is going to want to see him but he can’t reach him either. Do you want to take them to him?“

“Uh, yeah. Absolutely. Thank you for telling me. I didn’t realize.”

Jake went behind the counter and pulled the 2 pill bottles with Quentin’s name on them off a shelf and put them in a bag. He brought them to Eliot. 

“Tell him not to double up on them or anything. Especially since he’s been off them for so long now. And absolutely no alcohol.” 

“Ok. Thanks.”

“No problem. I’ve been worried about him because of his past. I know he’s been committed a few times before. He’s a good kid, I really like him and he’s been doing so good. Keep an eye on him. Oh, and tell him to call his psychiatrist to set up an appointment. He may want to up his dosages depending on how he thinks he’s doing.”

Eliot walked back to the Physical Kids cottage trying to figure out how he was going to approach this conversation with Quentin. He gets uncomfortable talking about his depression and suicidal thoughts. He gets angry and lashes out when it’s brought up. The last thing he wanted to do was make Quentin feel cornered and angry. There probably was no way around it though. No matter what he says Quentin is not going to take this easy. 

He wondered who he could bring with him for moral support for this conversation but decided on nobody, since bringing somebody else along would trigger Quentin into feeling cornered and anxious. Also, Quentin would be upset having anyone else know something this personal. He was going to have to do this on his own. 

He made his way back to the cottage and headed to the kitchen to make a drink but decided against it. As much as he needed one for his nerves, he wanted to be clear headed for Quentin. 

Quentin and Josh came in from smoking outside. Quentin ran to Eliot to jump into his arms when he saw him. Eliot quickly threw the bag of pills in a drawer and wrapped his arms around him. 

“I missed you, El.”

He nuzzled his face into Eliot’s chest.

“Aw, babe, I missed you too. How are you feeling today?”

“I’m fine, why?”

“Just making sure.”

They walked together to the couch and sat down. Josh joined them and they started talking about Todd blowing up an exam room accidentally. Eliot watched Quentin out of the corner of his eye. His leg was fidgeting a mile a minute. Eliot reached over and set his hand on Quentin’s leg and rubbed it and he stopped fidgeting. It was then that Eliot noticed Quentin biting his nails. He noticed they were all bit down as far as they could go. How hadn’t he noticed him behaving like this before? Eliot turned and grabbed his hand out of his mouth and held it. Quentin looked at him stunned.

“Sorry.”

Eliot kept a hold of his hand and rubbed his thumb over the top of it. This made Quentin a bit anxious and his leg started up again. Eliot let go of his hand and moved it to his leg again. Quentin quickly crossed his arms across his chest.

Josh got up to make a drink. Eliot declined any for him and Q.

“You ok, Q? Why are you so fidgety?”

“Yeah..I don’t know. Just stress maybe.”

He laid down so his head could rest in Eliot’s lap. Eliot softly scratched his head and played with his hair. Quentin immediately stopped fidgeting. He was falling asleep but Eliot sat him up.

“We should go upstairs before you fall asleep. Come on.”

Quentin got up and headed towards the steps. 

“I’ll be right there, Q, just grabbing something.”

Quentin started upstairs and Eliot went to the kitchen to grab the pills. Josh noticed the bag.

“What’s that?”

“Shit. Josh, I found out Q hasn’t been taking his meds and has been off of them for 13 days. Now I have to up there and try to talk to him about it and tell him that I know and I’m really nervous he’s not going to take it well.”

“Jesus. Do you want me to go with you?”

“I don’t think so. He’ll feel ganged up on. But maybe stay around in case shit hits the fan?”

“Deal. I’ll be down here or in my room.”

Eliot went upstairs. Quentin was sprawled out on Eliot’s bed. He took a deep breath and approached with caution. 

“Hey Q? Can we talk for a minute?”

Quentin sat up. 

“Uh, ok. Sure.”

Eliot opened the small bag and took out the 2 pill containers, held them up and shook them.

Quentin’s mouth fell open.

“Wanna tell me what this is about? I got pulled into the medic wing today buy a guy I think you know named Jake. He wanted to know if I’d bring these to you because you’ve been ignoring his phone calls about being 13 days late to pick these up.” 

Quentin brought his knees to his chest and put his head down, letting his hair hide him but said nothing.

“He’s worried about you, Q. And now I am too. He says you need to make an appointment with your psychiatrist since you’ve been ignoring calls too.”

The good news was that so far Quentin wasn’t freaking out, but he still wasn’t saying anything and that was scary. Eliot approached the bed and sat down next to him and put his arm around him. 

“Talk to me, Q. What’s going on with you? Why are you off your meds? It’s dangerous. You’ve seemed like your normal self to me but I also wasn’t really paying attention, I guess. You’re fidgety, and I saw your hand. You chewed all your nails down to stubs. You’re anxious.”

Eliot grabbed both of his hands to examine them. Quentin tried to pull away but Eliot held on tight. When he finally let go, Quentin stood up and began pacing back and forth. 

“I...I just...was tired of the side effects, and thought maybe after all this time...I would be fine without them. And I have. Sort of. I’ve been feeling ok. I can eat better. When I’m on them I’m nauseous all the time, you know that. The dizziness is mostly gone.”

He stopped pacing and stood still, facing Eliot, but his leg started fidgeting. Eliot went to him and hugged him. He noticed immediately that his fidgeting stopped. 

“Well, Q. I don’t know. I mean, I’m glad that you feel ok now, but what about later? I just wish you would’ve talked to me first before you just quit taking them. I don’t think that’s safe, anyway. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to wean off them slowly.”

“I feel bad for not telling you, but, I didn’t even put much thought into it. When the script ran out I just...decided to try to go without them. I haven’t really felt sad or depressed lately. I don’t even notice my fidgeting, really. Penny noticed the other day and yelled at me. Wanna know something though? When I’m close to you like right now, it goes away.”

Eliot smiled and hugged him tighter. 

“I did notice that today. But I can’t always be here all the time. So...how do you feel about starting to take your pills again?”

Quentin pulled back.

“I mean, I kind of wasn’t planning on going back on them since I feel ok. I can deal with the fidgeting.”

“But what about the depression, Q? You fall into an episode pretty quickly sometimes. That worries me. I can’t lose you.”

Quentin crossed his arms.

“You’re not going to lose me, El. I haven’t been bad like that for a long time now. Sure, I feel like shit sometimes and don’t want to get out of bed, but...I haven’t...hurt myself in a long time.”

“But you weren’t on the meds when you hurt yourself before, correct?”

Quentin sighed.

“They put me on them when I had to stay in the...you know...the bad place. But it’s different now. I have all of you guys and magic. I have a reason to live.”

“But you might not always feel that way, Q. and fuck magic. What if shit gets bad and your brain starts feeding you bad thoughts again? Then what? I know you good enough to know that you won’t come talk to anyone. You’re stubborn. Look, I just think that you should go talk to your psychiatrist tomorrow and see what he thinks.”

Quentin shook his head.

“It’s not his decision! I can decide for myself and right now I don’t want them.”

“Quentin, you’ve been medicated since you were 16. That’s a long time to just up and decide to stop one day. Don’t you think you’re acting on impulse? That’s a huge decision to make by yourself. Why don’t we call your psychiatrist and set up a time for tomorrow, ok? I’ll even go with you if you want.”

Quentin stormed toward the door. 

“I’m not going, Eliot! I don’t need him. I’m fine!”

Eliot beat him to the door and grabbed his shoulders.

“Ok, calm down Q-“

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I am calm.”

“I disagree. Please don’t be mad at me for saying this but you’re on the verge of a meltdown. Let’s go sit down.”

He led Quentin to the bed with him trying to get away but Eliot was stronger and kept a hold of him. He sat him down and held onto his wrists while he struggled. 

“Q, I know you’re upset right now.”

Not being able to use his hands, Quentin kicked at the nightstand and knocked the lamp off. It crashed to the floor and broke.

“Really, Q? Was that necessary? You made your point, you’re pissed, I get it, but-“

“Then stop trying to tell me what to do!”

Eliot let go and sat beside him, taking his hands. 

“Q I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I just want to make sure you’re going to be ok.”

Quentin stared at the floor in silence. 

“Quentin, please talk to the doctor.”

“He’s just going to tell me to take them, that’s why I don’t want to go. He can’t make me though.”

“No, but if thinks you’re at risk of hurting yourself he can put you away and then make you. Please just do this willingly.”

“I’m not at risk, fuck. I’m not going to hurt myself, I swear.” 

“You don’t exactly have the greatest track record, either. I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come. Please just go talk to him. That’s all I’m asking. If he thinks you can try being off them, then fine. But he’s a professional and you should still probably be monitored.”

Quentin rubbed his temples.

“So what? I have to be on medication and be monitored for the rest of my life because I made some bad decisions?”

“Don’t look at it that way, Q. You’ve said before that your brain just breaks sometimes, right? Why not stay on the meds and prevent it? If the side effects are that bad then maybe you can try a different kind.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m just so tired of doctors and medication and therapy. It makes my head want to explode. I just want to be normal.”

Eliot stood and went to him, taking his hands. 

“Fuck normal. Who’s normal? And so you’re prone to depressive episodes, it’s ok. We deal with it. Together, ok? From now on just talk to me.”

“Ok.”

“Can I Take you to your psychiatrist tomorrow? You don’t have to make a decision tomorrow. Just talk to him. That’s all I’m asking.”

Quentin sighed.

“I guess.”

“Aw. You’re adorable when you’re angsty and moody. Now come here and kiss me.”


	2. Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin talks to his doctor and starts taking his medication again

Eliot rolled over and reached for Quentin but got nothing but an empty space. He opened one eye and looked around but didn’t see him.

“Quentin?”

Nothing.

He got up and got dressed and went to Quentin’s room and didn’t find him there either. He went downstairs and found Margo making breakfast. 

“Hey Bambi, have you seen Q? I’m supposed to take him to the doctor this morning.”

“Yeah he came downstairs and I said hi to him and he waved at me and went out the door like he was on a mission.”

“Shit. He’s bailing. Fuck.”

Eliot ran out the door and looked around but didn’t see Quentin anywhere. He checked a couple places and still didn’t find him. His last stop was the library where he found Penny.

“Hey, your nerd boy is off his leash. He’s inside.”

“Oh thank god. How did he seem?”

“How did he seem? He seemed like typical moody Quentin with a nerd boner for the library.”

Eliot ran inside. He searched the main area but couldn’t see him. 

“If I had social anxiety where would I want to hide in here?”

He thought for a minute and then saw a quiet corner upstairs. He took the steps two at a time. He let out a sigh of relief when he spotted Quentin tucked away in a corner behind a shelf, out of sight, a book in his hands. Eliot approached him quietly and crouched down to his level. 

“Hey Q.”

Quentin jumped and turned to look at him. 

“Shit. Hi.”

“Hi. You’re hiding. Are you ditching our little outing today?”

“I...wasn’t hiding. I just wanted to come here and think. I was gonna come back when it was time, I swear.”

Eliot studied him.

“Hmmm. Ok. I believe you. So...are you ok?”

Quentin closed his book.

“I guess. I mean...yeah. I still don’t want to go but I’m only doing it because you want me to. Plus, I know you’d take me kicking and screaming regardless.”

“This is true. But only because  
I’m worried about you. And if you want me to stop worrying about you then this needs to happen.”

Eliot stood up and reached for Quentin’s hand. He took it and let Eliot pull him up. Eliot wrapped him in his arms for a long hug. It felt good and he rested his head on his chest.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed but Eliot was suggesting that they get going. They walked hand in hand to the medic wing, Eliot rubbing his thumb over Quentin’s. 

Quentin hesitated at the door. Eliot stopped and turned to him, hugging him again.

“It going to be fine. I promise. Just go have a conversation.”

They walked inside and to the desk. Jake looked up.

“Quentin! Hey buddy! I’m so glad you came. You can go on back, he’s ready.”

Quentin nodded and gave him a weak smile. He glanced back at Eliot as he walked down the hallway. Eliot gave him a reassuring smile.

Eliot found a chair and sat down to wait. About an hour later he heard a door click and Quentin came back down the hall. Eliot stood up and went to him. 

“Well? Did you survive?”

“Yeah. He told me to start taking them again, at least for a few months and see how things are, then start slowly decreasing my dosages the right way and see how I do if I absolutely want to.

Eliot put his hands on Quentin’s shoulders and rubbed up and down. 

“Ok, well...that’s a start, right?”

“I guess. I don’t understand why I can’t just stay off them. What’s the point starting again to just decrease them in a few months?”

“He’s the professional so just do it, ok? It’s not the end of the world.” 

They walked back to the cottage and Eliot grabbed Quentin a bottle of water and handed it to him. Eliot pushed the two pill bottles to him. Quentin just stared at them.

“Come on, just take them. Stop procrastinating. Do you want me to take you upstairs, get naked and seduce you and make a game out of it? I’ll put the pills in my mouth and then tongue them into yours...”

Quentin finally smiled, mostly because he knew Eliot wasn’t kidding.

“I wouldn’t mind that, actually, but I’ll just take them on my own this time.”

He threw them in his mouth and swallowed. 

Eliot came to him and grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him, holding him tight. He let go a few seconds later and walked away to go upstairs. Quentin stood there dumbfounded.

“Hey! You can’t...just kiss me like that and then walk away. That’s a dick move. Totally not fair.”

“I guess you better follow me then...”


End file.
